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It’s no secret that the past few years have been… rough. There’s been the whole global pandemic of it all, plus wars across the globe, economic instability, global warming, the ongoing attacks on abortion, and navigating extreme political dissension with another presidential election already around the corner (RIP). New Years typically comes with a festive, optimistic vibe, but if you’re just not feeling it this year — and haven’t felt it for a while — know that you’re far from alone. “The past few years have been incredibly psychologically difficult because of the level of uncertainty they’ve brought for us,” psychotherapist Kristin Padera tells SheKnows. Humans naturally find “safety in structure and knowing what to expect of our world,” she explains, which means that uncertainty makes us uncomfortable and anxious. We’ve lost trust in experts and institutions we used to have every confidence in, and we feel more disconnected from each other than ever, thanks to “a hyper-focus on differences and disagreements (especially online and through social media),” Padera says. Add on any personal hardships you’ve faced, and all of this “can lead to feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and alienation.” And for many of us, the New Year is tough regardless. “The end of the year is a type of loss, a loss of another year,” says licensed social worker Pamela Jackson of Allomothering. You may not even notice it, but often at the end of the year, “we all might be grieving time itself.”
How to find New Years optimism when everything is bleak: Therapist tips
Let’s start off by saying you don’t have to force yourself to feel positive when you’re not. That goes double for a holiday like New Years, when you might feel pressured to celebrate and feel optimistic. We’re not suggesting that you should be feeling optimistic or that it’s your duty to perk up and look on the bright side — if you’re not feeling it this year, it’s OK to just accept that. “If you find yourself grappling with a sense of bleakness, it’s important to acknowledge these feelings with compassion,” licensed social worker LaKia Colquitt of Intuit Healing tells SheKnows. “Life’s journey often unfolds in unexpected ways, and it’s OK to embrace both the highs and lows.”
Related story 6 Ways To Make the Most of That Weird, Slow Week Between Christmas and New Years
If you are ready to break the cycle of negativity, we’re here to help. We spoke to therapists to get their top advice on finding a little optimism in the future after an (exceedingly) bleak year — here’s what they said.
Embrace your journey
Breathe, look around, and acknowledge where you are and what it took to get there. Now is the time to “take a moment to reflect on the unique path you’ve traveled,” Colquitt says, and to “acknowledge the strength and resilience you’ve shown in facing challenges, big and small.” Reflect on what you’ve accomplished this year and celebrate progress, no matter how “small”. New Years is as much about reflecting on the past year as it is about looking towards the next, and acknowledging your growth will help you keep it going. “Our brains have a natural negativity bias,” registered social worker Michelle Garroway of The Relationship Agency tells SheKnows, which makes sense — it’s what kept us alive “in a world that used to try to kill us at every turn.” But that same bias “can lead us to discount the positive and not stop to take stock of our own resilience and progress.” Garroway recommends doing your own personal 2023 Wrapped by making a list of everything you’ve conquered this year, no matter how seemingly small. “You’ll be proud of your own strength and have a better picture of how able you are to take on the new year.”
Identify what is and is not within your control
We tend to get overwhelmed by things we have no or little control over, like huge world events; we stress and get anxious about it, but in the end, most of us have no power over the outcome. Examine your feelings of anxiety or bleakness about the new year and notice which ones you have the power to address, and which ones you don’t. Then…
Set (realistic) goals
Looking at the things that are within your control, “what is one small step you can take today to effect positive change and to gain a sense of empowerment?” Padera says. You’re probably not in a position to negotiate a peace deal in the Middle East or lower your cholesterol in one day, she says, “but you can identify changes that you can make in your life, conversations that you can have with loved ones, and adjustments to lifestyle or diet that could have a positive impact on your overall goals.” Break these down into small, manageable goals you can actually achieve. Recognizing your own power over what you can control can help you feel more positive about the year to come.
Practice gratitude
“It’s been well studied that practicing gratitude can actually rewire your brain, impacting your negativity bias and causing you to produce more dopamine,” Garroway says. It doesn’t have to be a complicated process, either. Garroway suggests noting three things each day that you’re grateful for, whether you’re jotting them in a journal, saying them out loud to yourself, or sharing them at the dinner table. (FYI, this is Oprah’s gratitude practice too!) If this doesn’t resonate with you, Jackson recommends making a “What’s Working” list. “Sometimes trying to think about what we’re grateful for during stressful times induces more stress or guilt,” she says. “Just thinking about what’s functioning right now can be more of boost in mood — even if what’s working are simply things like the kitchen stove or the babysitter arrangement.”
Limit your media (and social media) exposure
Media outlets tend to focus on negative news, but you don’t have to. While it’s important to stay abreast of what’s happening in the world from reliable sources, we should aim for balance, Colquitt says. “Seek out stories of resilience, kindness, and positive change,” she suggests. Garroway also recommends eliminating your time on social media, or at least cutting back and working the algorithm to provide content that actually serves you. “A quick search for puppies and a couple hits of the like button can completely change your digital world for the better.”
Connect with the people you love
“Strengthening connections with loved ones can be a source of comfort,” Colquitt says. Whether that means engaging your friends and family in heartfelt conversations, laughing together over dinner, or getting in touch through FaceTime or Zoom, “these connections foster a sense of support and belonging.”
Prioritize your well-being
It’s so easy to let your self-care practices fall by the wayside this time of year, but do your best to make them a priority. Whether that means a five-minute morning meditation or a quick walk around the block, “taking care of yourself is an act of kindness, and it sets the stage for a more positive outlook and future,” Colquitt explains.
Reach out for support
You’re not alone in feeling blue at the end of the year, and you don’t have to deal with these feelings alone, either. “If the weight of emotions becomes too heavy, remember that seeking support is a sign of strength,” Colquitt says. “Connecting with friends, family, or a mental health professional can provide a compassionate space for sharing and healing.”
Before you go, check out our favorite (and affordable) mental health apps to get you through the holidays: .
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