If you’re similar to myself, you may have experienced being burned because you trusted people who were untrustworthy. My internal family system contains young, naive, and open-hearted parts, who are trusting to a fault. They fail to recognize red flags and end up feeling confused, betrayed, and shocked. Sometimes, our young, naive parts need help learning how to exercise better discernment to avoid putting our trust in people who cannot be trusted. In this week’s Patreon bonus episode, Rachel Bernstein of the Indoctrination podcast breaks down the warning signs. I highly recommend listening, but I wanted to share my notes here to help anyone who has struggled with trust issues.
Betrayal trauma is painful, and my heart goes out to anyone who has suffered in this way. Trustworthy people in your life are a priceless gift. But it is important to remember that nobody is 100% trustworthy or untrustworthy. Getting to know someone intimately will help you figure out which parts of yourself (and others) can be trusted.
Here are the warning signs to watch for:
1. Failure to keep promises, uphold boundaries, or follow through on tasks.
2. Incongruence between words and actions.
3. Blaming, accusing, or belittling in response to being called out on untrustworthy behaviors.
4. Inability to admit mistakes, apologize, or take responsibility.
5. Using caring and kindness as a facade to manipulate.
If you notice any of these behaviors in someone, it may be a sign that they cannot be trusted. Trustworthy people should be able to handle being put on the spot and will feel bad when they make a mistake. Admitting to mistakes and apologizing is a mark of honor, integrity, and strength. If someone can’t do this, they may not be trustworthy.
