I come from a big family — like, 30-people-passing-rolls-around-the-table big. When newcomers arrive, one of us will give them the rundown in the same way a “previously on” recap would catch up an audience to the present storyline. “Nine of us were born within a seven-year period,” they’d hear. “Lola and Papa eloped, because she was Filipina and he was Irish,” they might take in as another fun fact. “And that’s Kelly, she has cerebral palsy, it’s fine.”
That last line is just my imagination, because I’m not exactly sure how my loved ones describe me to outsiders. But I do see these guests observe as my cousins, siblings, parents, or whomever is nearest to me on the buffet line grab my plate and take my order before serving themselves. Over the years, if someone survives that “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” introduction — although I’m Jamaican, Irish, and Filipina, to be clear — then they may just end up doing the honors themselves one day.
Holding my plate of food, filling my drink, offering me an arm to balance on, or giving up a seat on the coveted couch so I can rest are just some of the many ways my family accommodates my disability. During the holidays, they pull my gifts from under the tree and clear scraps of wrapping paper from my path. To me, this is proof of small yet steady love, a mostly silent yet entirely impactful choice they make, so I feel comfortable on days when we all deserve warm memories. This isn’t the case for everyone with disabilities, and I know how lucky I am.
Maybe what newcomers to allyship need is a list of helpful tips for making a disabled guest feel welcome. So, I asked five fellow advocates to share their thoughts…
Of course, no disabled person expects a non-disabled peer to know exactly and immediately how to navigate their experiences — that would be like knowing all the ins-and-outs of a family as soon as you shake hands. Learning the ropes takes time. But if you make the effort, you’ll make your disabled guest feel like they’re eating the best bite of dessert.
Kelly Dawson is a writer, editor, and marketing consultant based in Los Angeles. She’s written for Cup of Jo about navigating New York City with a disability, disabled motherhood, and a Virginia house tour with the cutest dog. Follow Kelly on Instagram, if you’d like.
P.S. How to navigate encounters with disability, and what it feels like to have autism.
(Photo by Dorien Monnens on Unsplash.)
