One song a narcissist would never sing at karaoke is “Anti-Hero” by Taylor Swift. The 2022 pop earworm has Swift admitting that “I’m the problem, it’s me,” something that goes against the core of a narcissist’s beliefs about themselves. No matter which type of narcissist, they believe that they’re never the problem—everyone else is. This mindset is particularly strong with the “victim narcissist,” a subtype of narcissists who always play the victim and refuse to take accountability for their actions.
The “victim syndrome” in narcissism is when narcissistic individuals act innocent and manipulate situations to receive sympathy, deflect accountability and/of responsibility, and portray themselves unfairly treated. They won’t accept fault even when it’s quite obviously theirs to claim, and they act as though everything always happens to them. They resist feedback and constructive criticism to gaslight the person they’re in a relationship with.
Narcissists adopt a victim mentality to receive admiration and attention from others as a source of validation and self-worth. By portraying themselves as the victim, they control how others see and treat them, positioning themselves as the innocent sufferers and painting others as the aggressors. They thrive in scenarios where they are seen as wronged or the hero, which gives them the pity and empathy they seek.
The particular red flags to look out for when dealing with a potential case of victim narcissism include blaming others, constantly sharing “woe is me” stories, acting innocent, not accepting criticism well, being defensive and shifting the blame, refusing to take accountability for their actions, and engaging in “reverse projection” to confuse others. These are signs of a pattern of manipulative behavior and feelings of grandiosity characteristic of victim narcissists.
