Bipolar disorder has robbed me of many years of my life. Not in terms of lifespan, but in terms of quality living. Looking back at 46, I can clearly see the lost years caused by this illness.
Understanding Years Lost to Bipolar
To me, living is about pursuing what you want and achieving your goals. Unfortunately, bipolar disorder has often stood in the way of that. The years lost to bipolar are those consumed by illness and its treatment.
Lost Teenage Years
My adolescence was marked by undiagnosed and untreated bipolar disorder, characterized by depression, self-harm, and occasional hypomania. While my peers worried about typical teenage issues, I struggled to survive each day.
Challenges in my Twenties
While I achieved some milestones like obtaining a university degree and engaging in adventure sports, my twenties were marred by hospitalizations, self-harm, and deep depression. I missed out on the carefree experiences of my peers.
Struggles in my Thirties
Working in a high-stress environment exacerbated my illness, leading to disability leave, failed treatments, and a suicide attempt. While others were building families and careers, I was fighting to survive each day.
Continuing Battle in my Forties
As I navigate my mid-forties, bipolar disorder continues to dominate my life, leaving me few treatment options. I spend my days managing symptoms and fighting to maintain stability. Other milestones seem out of reach.
Finding Resilience Amidst Struggle
Despite the years lost to bipolar disorder, I have managed to achieve personal and professional milestones. I cherish the relationships and accomplishments that have endured despite the illness. These victories, no matter how small, hold significant value.
Embracing Moments of Living
While bipolar disorder may continue to claim parts of my life, it hasn’t stripped me of my essence. I refuse to let it define me entirely. I will keep seeking moments of true living amidst the challenges.
Image by Flickr user Mike Mozart.
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