In 2022, Merriam-Webster named “gaslighting” the word of the year, seeing a massive 1740% increase in lookups for the term. This surge in interest brought the word into the national spotlight, particularly on social media. Despite its prevalence in conversation, gaslighting remains a complex concept that is often misunderstood.
Gaslighting, as defined by Aaron Steinberg, MA, PCC, involves either directly telling or implying to someone that their reality is invalid. This manipulation usually stems from the gaslighter’s fragile ego or sense of self-worth, leading them to diminish the other person to protect themselves. Dr. Robin Stern describes gaslighting as emotional abuse, where the more powerful gaslighter controls the reality of the less powerful gaslightee, eroding their sense of self.
Identifying gaslighting in a relationship can be challenging, but there are key red flags to watch for. Gaslighters often make their partners feel continually wrong, deny events, cause confusion and doubt, and may even strip away their sense of self. Victims may find themselves apologizing, making excuses for their partner’s behavior, and feeling anxious and panicked.
If you suspect you are being gaslit, seek support from trusted individuals or a therapist to better understand the situation. Avoid engaging in power struggles with the gaslighter and consider seeking professional help to address the issue. While some relationships may be salvaged with hard work and therapy, leaving may be necessary if the gaslighting persists despite efforts to communicate and connect.
