There are few things more annoying at a party than someone who just dominates conversations. They talk about themselves constantly. If the discussion switches to someone else, they switch it back. They don’t ask other people any questions or seem to care. They’re prone to “one-up” others. If this sounds familiar, you’ve probably run head-first into what’s known as “conversational narcissism.”
“A conversational narcissist has an excessive focus on the self and will continually turn a discussion towards themselves so that they can aggrandize themselves or their opinions,” says Brian Tierney, PhD, a neuroscience professor and private practice psychotherapist who’s known as The Somatic Doctor.
Conversational narcissism is a behavior pattern, not a diagnosable mental health disorder. According to Ben Bernstein, PhD, a clinical psychologist, and acting director of the Argent Assessment Program at Silver Hill Hospital, sociologist Charles Derber coined the term in 1979.
People with NPD exhibit pervasive grandiosity, a core criterion that conversational narcissists do not meet. In contrast, conversational narcissism is more about self-centered behavior and insecurity. Signs of a conversational narcissist include losing interest when others are sharing, constantly redirecting the conversation towards themselves, offering unsolicited advice, and rarely asking questions of others.
Conversational narcissism stems from a need for attention and can be fueled by anxiety or a desire to control the conversation. It can lead to codependent relationships where one person seeks adoration while the other gains confidence and worthiness.
Responding to a conversational narcissist can involve redirecting the conversation back to yourself, being explicit and direct about wanting a chance to speak, or using the grey rock method to disengage from the conversation.
