With the rise of autocratic rulers looking for world domination, and the growing awareness of power-hungry narcissists who don’t have our best interests at heart, public discourse is focusing on cult dynamics, narcissism, sociopathy, and how to avoid falling victim to manipulative, exploitative, or even criminal individuals like Keith Raniere, Anna Delvey, Elizabeth Holmes, Sam Bankman-Fried, the Tinder Swindler, and Donald Trump. This is an important topic to study not only to steer clear of major scams but also to sharpen our judgment when meeting new people in various situations.
To better understand and empathize with loved ones who have been affected by cultic influences, I listen to Rachel Bernstein’s Indoctrination podcast. One episode features Kate Amber from Ending Coercive Control discussing her “Quicksand” model, which outlines the “5 D’s” of manipulative, narcissistic coercive controllers. Recognizing these signs can help identify coercive control dynamics, such as double binds, double speak, double standards, double vision, and the DARVO tactic (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim & Offender).
Coercive control is when one person exerts dominance or control over others through force, threats, instilling fear, or fraud. It can occur in various relationships, from romantic partnerships to family units, groups, or even professional settings. Deception and fraud play a significant role in coercive control, where individuals may be manipulated into consenting to things they wouldn’t agree to if fully informed. Intimidation, terrorization, and threats are common tools used to maintain control and obedience.
The “5 D’s” shed light on different aspects of coercive control. Double binds create scenarios where victims feel trapped and powerless, much like the horror of Sophie’s Choice. Double speak involves deceptive language that distorts reality and confuses victims. Double standards showcase the hypocritical nature of coercive controllers who impose rules on others but don’t abide by the same standards themselves. Double vision refers to the cognitive dissonance experienced by victims in trauma-coerced attachments, leading to a distorted view of their abuser. DARVO is a manipulative response used to avoid accountability and manipulate victims in abusive situations.
By understanding these dynamics and recognizing the signs of coercive control, we can protect ourselves and our loved ones from falling prey to manipulative individuals. It’s essential to remain vigilant, trust our instincts, and seek support if we find ourselves in coercive or abusive situations.
