“`
The Emotional Journey of Breast Cancer
The night before her bilateral mastectomy, Melissa Berry washed her breasts with Hibiclens antiseptic soap and said goodbye to them. “I remember thinking, these are the breasts that I had in a training bra, and was so excited [that they] were developing. And I remember getting to second base at sleepaway camp with them. I nursed my babies with them. I put my wedding gown on [them],” she tells Well+Good.
After years of vigilance following genetic testing that revealed a BRCA mutation (which can increase the risk of breast and ovarian cancer), including breast checks every six months and an oophorectomy at age 39 to surgically remove her ovaries, Berry, the founder of Cancer Fashionista and co-host of the newly launched podcast series Empowered Intimacy: Getting Your Sexy Back After Breast Cancer, was diagnosed with stage 1 triple-negative breast cancer.
Today, Berry is cancer-free, but she says she’s struggled with sex and intimacy since her diagnosis with the illness, which she calls “deeply defeminizing.”
Why breast cancer can feel defeminizing
Breast cancer can shift a person’s relationship with their body and sexuality. These changes can sometimes be most intense after treatment is complete and the hectic whirr of medical appointments subsides. “One of the biggest emotional and mental effects is figuring out who you are after this traumatizing experience,” says Minerva Guerrero, PhD, LMHC, a mental health counselor and founder of Mind Matters Mental Health Counseling, PLLC, in Westchester County, New York, who specializes in treating women struggling with significant life changes.
Factors contributing to the disconnect with femininity and self-esteem
There are a few factors that can make navigating breast cancer—from diagnosis, to treatment, to lingering side effects—lead to a disconnect with your femininity and self-esteem:
- Breasts are a symbol of femininity
- Treatment can change your appearance (beyond your breasts)
- A change to sex and intimacy
Reconnecting with femininity and sex after breast cancer
From the start of her journey, Berry’s been intent on staying connected to her femininity. In fact, her podcast is all about “getting your sexy back after breast cancer,” she says. “I don’t want anyone to ever feel alone. No relationship should suffer because of breast cancer,” she adds.
Strategies to become more comfortable with sex after breast cancer
- Find supportive healthcare providers
- Get reacquainted with your body
- Take baby steps to intimacy
Stay strong and remember, you’re not alone in this journey. With the right support and mindset, it is possible to embrace your femininity and sexuality after breast cancer.
“`
