As the oldest sibling, you have likely experienced many significant milestones with your parents: from the first steps to being the first child to graduate high school. However, being the eldest also often comes with added responsibilities such as waking up early to get younger siblings ready for school or taking on cooking duties. If you have ever felt more like a caretaker than a child yourself, you may be familiar with what is known as “eldest daughter syndrome.”
While eldest daughter syndrome is not a new concept, it has gained new attention on social media, particularly through viral TikTok videos. Therapist Kati Morton describes this syndrome as the unique pressures and responsibilities placed upon the oldest daughter in the family. This can lead to eldest daughters tying their self-worth to their ability to manage responsibilities and keep others happy.
Many individuals on TikTok relate to eldest daughter syndrome, sharing their own experiences of feeling overwhelmed and exhausted by the constant sense of duty. Therapists and mental health experts weigh in on this concept, discussing how it can impact your life and relationships.
Eldest daughter syndrome is not an official mental health diagnosis, but rather a subtype of birth order theory. According to this theory, the oldest child often faces high expectations and responsibilities from their parents. They may feel the need to excel in order to regain attention lost to younger siblings. This can create a sense of duty, difficulty in setting boundaries, and challenges in forming healthy relationships for eldest daughters.
This syndrome is rooted in a combination of parental expectations, family dynamics, gender roles, and cultural influences. Eldest daughters may feel pressured to fulfill adult responsibilities from a young age, leading to people-pleasing tendencies and difficulty in setting boundaries. While parentification (assigning adult responsibilities to a child) can lead to challenges, it can also foster qualities such as self-reliance, confidence, and independence in eldest daughters.
Ultimately, while eldest daughter syndrome can have its challenges, it can also cultivate positive traits and skills. Eldest daughters often exhibit strong communication skills, reliability, and the ability to manage stress effectively. However, it is important for individuals affected by this syndrome to prioritize their own needs and well-being in order to lead fulfilling lives.
